The Secret Diary of a 7 Month Old (Part 6)

MONDAY

Cried all afternoon. Big people wanted me to sleep but I was far too tired for that.

TUESDAY

Puked on three different outfits today just as they got me into them. Made the big person cry. Felt guilty which made me do a poo. It leaked. Felt even more guilty. Puked again. Went to sleep.

WEDNESDAY

Getting sick of complete strangers squeezing my cheeks. Here’s an idea – if I don’t know you, don’t touch my face. How does that sound?

THURSDAY

Managed to burp, puke and then sneeze all over the sofa. What a mess. But what a feeling!

FRIDAY

Got taken to a fancy room with loads of lights and mirrors and stuff to touch. Was so excited. Slept right through it.

SATURDAY

Don’t think I’ve pooed for a while. I used to poo all the time. Should I be worried?

SUNDAY

Laughed properly today, like one of the big people. It felt amazing. Then got tired and screamed the house down. Life is so confusing.

I'm a stand up comic and new dad to twins. You can click here to follow me on Facebook where I post all my blogs, memes and other blatherings about parenthood. (Or go to the top right of this page)

Comments

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Ladies and gentlemen - some news! One recipient of my newsletter is now the 'lucky' (ahem) winner of an exclusive gig from me IN THEIR HOUSE! And that person is... Lyn Morter! Well done, Lyn! (Btw, if anyone from Ofcom is reading, you can check the legitimacy of this result via the Facebook Live video I did last week.) When I informed Lyn that she'd won she simply said, 'I've never heard of you' and 'How did you get my phone number?' so I'm sure that will be a great gig for everyone. (Only joking. She was thrilled.) Thanks to all of you for entering. But what now, Sam? I hear you screaming at your smartphones. Well, I'll be taking things a wee bit easier through August, spending some much needed time with my family after all the touring. But just like that former Governor of California of Austrian descent, I'LL BE BACK (sorry) in September with more blogs, videos and general waffle. I'm also heading b

Sam Avery

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